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Lonely and alone. Two different words. Two different meaning.

Being alone is not as scary as feeling lonely. Being alone is where I felt like I am the happiest, calm human being. Meanwhile, feeling lonely is where I felt so down, sad and depressed that I contradict myself.

Loneliness often hits you at night. It hits you when you are about to sleep. It hits you when you are reading sad quote posts. It hits you when you see people are happy with their life. It hits you when you listen to your favourite sad songs. It hits you when you scroll over your ex's profile.

But, remember when they said everything is better when night came?

I am partially disagree about that.

Cus sometimes, when night hits me, all I do is crying myself to bed. All I do is blaming myself for not being good enough. All I do is questioning why am I unlucky in love.All I do is mocking myself down.

How come being alone could turn me into this pathetic person? I know happiness is a choice. I know being optimistic is also a choice. Everything that is good is free in life. Well, guess what? I guess I need to pay for those good things. Unlike other people, they got it free. But me? Nah. Not for me.

Call me childish but sometimes I need someone's constant company. Not exactly a boyfriend but just someone who is constantly care. They might not always text but just enough to know how I am in a day or so.

Someone who would text me good morning. Someone who would check on me if I've eaten yet. Someone who would ask me is everything's fine. Someone who would be there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Someone who I can cuddle with just so I can feel secure.

But somehow it seems impossible. It seems impossible for someone like me to have something as special as that. It seems ridiculous for someone who got nothing to offer. Cus seems like people just invest their time in someone who is worth to be show off to their friends, someone who is good looking.

What? You want to say that those things aren't true? You want to say that not everyone is like that? You want to say that I don't need to look down on myself?

I don't like to write and read bullshits. Cus bullshits is comforting. The truth. The truth is stinky, aren't comforting yet it serves you with what you deserves to know.

2016 kind of love is just a superficial love. People giving in their heart, their virginity, their naiveness to something called superficial.

I'm not saying this because I'm ugly. I'm saying this because it's true.

Okay. Let's me sleep myself to reality. Goodnight.

- Ophelia

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