Thoughts of an Introvert

It has been a while since I stopped writing last few months. I do not know what to do with this blog cus my idea is dried out. Fortunately, thanks to sadness that it brought me back here. It has always been helping me out in sorting and coming out with new blogs to post. I do not know how to describe it properly, but sadness does help me a lot in writing something which to me, are beautiful. This is one of the thing I got in letting what is inside my brain to the people out there without me having to tell it to their face. Words are beautiful even when the writers are sad. Who would have thought being compared to other people would be the saddest thing ever? Everyone, except me. I thought that I have tried my best to make people who matter to me, proud of me. I thought that by being different, choosing the different path from the rest and proving to them that there are many ways to succeed in life will make them feel proud of me. I thought that striving for the best that I could ...

I thought I was over you. I thought that when I look at your face again one day after all those years, I would not feel the heartaches anymore. I thought I would not cry again if I think of you again one day. I thought you left my mind few years ago. My thoughts are making a fool out of me. Who am I kidding? I was only making a fool out of myself. Cus no matter how many years it take for me to get over you, I know that the love is still there to he given. Just in case... In case if you will be needing it. I have been wishing that I can turn back the time and make things easier. I wish I was not messing things up back then; but thousand tears of regrets would not make things better. You left a very big impact in my life but I was so young at that time. Who the fuck am I to talk about that? Somehow, the feelings that you gave me to feel, the emotions that you put me through, it was unforgettable. I will always remember you no matter how many years after. There will always...

Just to be super clear, breaking up wasn't that bad. I mean wanting to break up is wasn't that bad. However, wanting to break up when you are still in love is the one thing that hurt like hell. No. I was not stupid for breaking up with him when clearly I was still in love with him. Do you know that feeling when you reached your limit? I mean when you realized that enough is enough. That they crossed the line of your patience. No enough love can make me stay when they have crosses the line because I know my worth. Okay. When I say that I know my worth, it does not  mean that I am an arrogant person. It simply means that I must know my worth, I must know my own limit, I must know how to differentiate between fighting for love and fighting with love, I must know how a man supposed to treat a woman, I must know what is best for me cus I know that I need the best. I am not saying that I am that best either but I simply know what I need from a man for me to really give them ...

When you talk about someone who once meant the world to you, it does not mean that you do not appreciate those new people in your life. When you say that you missed someone who once meant the world to you, it does not mean you love the pain that they once made you feel. When you are thinking of someone who once meant the world to you, it does not mean that you desperately want them back in your life. When you thought to yourself that sometimes you need their words to encourage you to do something effectively, it does not mean that you are not going to listen to what those new people in your life said to you. Sometimes... You need to miss them in order to move on from them. Sometimes... You simply missed having them around like how it used to be when shit was all fine. Sometimes... You need to grieve over and over again over the same damn reason. It is true when people say after a rain, there comes a rainbow. Thank you for those who still stick by your side no matt...

It's been a while since I last wrote something here. My blogs were flooded with the stories about my heartbreaks. I don't even care if someone is going to read it or not cus at that time I was so heartbroken, that everything that I thought about and every feelings that I felt, would turn out as written arts. Never thought that some blogs I wrote would touch some hearts. Never thought that people can relate to what I wrote. Never thought a broken heart can make such beautiful yet terrifying arts to read and feel. I sounded like Taylor Swift right now HAHA However, though a broken heart leads to a wonderful work of art to read, I'm not planning to get my heart played anymore. It hurt as fuck. No one wants to through the stage of heartbreak. I got so careful when someone wants to know me. I got so careful not to spill too much. I got so careful on not to get attach. I got so careful not to trust too early. I thank them for the heartbreak and the lessons that I learnt...

Ever felt unneeded and useless to some people at some point of your life. You were just like "Okay... Now what? Where am I standing in your life? Am I still needed? Am I still worth your madness?" You felt unloved by some people. You felt like there is a fine gap between you and them. You thought to yourself "Fuck it.." over what seems to happen. And automatically you will distant yourself from them cus they seemed much happier without you. They made you realized that you are the harmful toxic among them. They made a 'signal' that they are better off without you. Isn't that hurt to feel unwanted by the only people you really know? I admit that I overthink shits but action speaks louder than word. The way the treat me now are different. They must've been talking about me behind my back about how toxic of a person I am. If that's so, then there's nothing I can do to change the fact that I am that bad. Nothing.

Lonely and alone. Two different words. Two different meaning. Being alone is not as scary as feeling lonely. Being alone is where I felt like I am the happiest, calm human being. Meanwhile, feeling lonely is where I felt so down, sad and depressed that I contradict myself. Loneliness often hits you at night. It hits you when you are about to sleep. It hits you when you are reading sad quote posts. It hits you when you see people are happy with their life. It hits you when you listen to your favourite sad songs. It hits you when you scroll over your ex's profile. But, remember when they said everything is better when night came? I am partially disagree about that. Cus sometimes, when night hits me, all I do is crying myself to bed. All I do is blaming myself for not being good enough. All I do is questioning why am I unlucky in love.All I do is mocking myself down. How come being alone could turn me into this pathetic person? I know happiness is a choice. I k...

When you had a crush on someone who is very perfect in every ways possible, you are the happiest earthling in the world! Though your crush might not know you're exist, but still their existence in your days is what keeps you going. At most point in your life you know that you are out of their league and are not hoping for a chance to even be their friend; not even close being their lover! Correct me if I'm wrong; our crush is the most perfect human being, everything they do attracts us so bad, their smile shine on the face like how the sun ray shine through your window when your mom tryna wake you up in the morning, you can't take off your eyes from theirs like the fridge magnets you got on your refrigerator at home. (Okay I know it is too much but hey, it's kinda true aite?) Goshh! They are too perfect to you! But imagine if your crush became your bestfriend? It will be the most fantastic feeling in the whole wide world. In the universe! Having someone ...

Straight forward speaking, a girl and a guy can't be friends (not everyone, okay?). Sooner or later, one person will have feeling toward the other one (again, not everyone.). Thus, it will result in a friendship ruin or they both end up being a lover instead. The percentage of friendship ruin is higher somehow. When you act like a lover with your guy bestfriend, it will trigger a 'spark' like what they said in the way you feel towards them. That spark would either go away very quickly or stay. You both act so cute, you both hold hands, spend most of your free times together. When people ask if something is going on, both side will say "No. We're just friends." Somehow, the feeling is there without you even realize. You only realized when it's too late or too early. Never in between. You only realized it when he or she likes someone else. You only realized it when someone else likes you but all you care about is he or she; which is your bestfrien...

When I love, I love hard. I don't know how to love someone half-way. Once I love, I will take care of you. I am not in your life just for the sake of having a lover and that's it. No. If I decided to put you first, I will put you first. I will take care of you like a mother would. I will take care of you like a sister would. Cus once I decided to have you as my lover, you are just as important as I am to myself. It's a big leap of faith that I took. Cus you might hurt me in the future, you might leave me bcs you can't keep up with me, you might ignore me all of a sudden but I still have faith that you won't. The most important thing is I know you are capable of doing things that might hurt me but i fearlessly give you the 'permission' to do so. So if you think I am here only as a girlfriend just for the sake of having a boyfriend, think again. I am more than that. It just depend on you to realize. Love, Ophelia ♡

I always got the "Ughh!" reaction towards most things that I am into. I found it's intricate for them to be please by it. I found myself letting them down at times. Most of the time, I found them being hypercritical. Hypercritical is just a sophisticated way to represent the word 'judgemental'. I would not care if people feel like to bash my attitudes but reviling my passions and interests, it's just so wrong to me! Our passions and interests are all varies. Eventhough we are bestfriends or siblings, our passions mostly differs from one person to another. Still don't get about what I say? Okay, let's say I love tattoo arts but you, on the other hand, hates tattoo. You disgust by it. I don't care if you are loathe by it, there's no need for you to go around and say "OH! I HATE TATTOOS. PEOPLE WITH IT LOOKS SHITTY. THEY'RE SLUTS." Let me tell you what; If you love country songs and I hate it, I don't go around and bashin...

It's 12:30AM sharp. I can't sleep. I don't know why. So I decided that I wanna write a blog with no specific topics. No one tells me that the side effect of getting attached with someone doesn't feel as good as get in one. Once you're attached, there's no turning back. You either painfully stay or painfully letting go. Well, nothing is easy in this world right? Haha okay. Whatever. Trying not to get attach to someone but it has been your habit, it's hard. You tryna not to ruin shits. Shits were ruined and it was fucked to face. Well, not again! You need to change that attitude. For the sake of happiness. I didn't say it's wrong but it's exhausting. It does. Changing is a fulltime job. Sigh~ I feel fucked. Fucking lonely. Do you ever meet someone who is so nice and sweet with you? You and him hangout together like it was a perfect day.  They were so kind and all. You started to feel like you been treated like how a lady sup...

"What if I never love again?" That is one line from Adele's song that turned on my thinking mode. It made me ask myself that question: What if I never love again? Is that possible? For me to never love again. Is it impossible? I wish I knew the answer by now. I even wish I knew every answer to everything that I wanna know by now but it doesn't work that way. You know, being broken and hurt is not an ideal situation. Everyone is avoiding to be in one. Letting go is not an overnight work. You need to let go and let go and let go until one morning you see it dissapear. Healing something that you can't see the scars is hard. You need to keep bandage on until the scars finally gone. It's a job. Fulltime job. There will be times where you will beg for a rest from fixing your broken parts. Well, good news! You can stop for few times and it will still be okay. Don't push yourself too hard on this. Give yourself a little respect and love, then everything wi...

I don't know how to go on with this title that Nathan gave me but I'll just write what is on my mind. Love yourself. Truth to be told, to me, loving myself is the hardest thing to do. It's a shit hard thing to execute in life other than trying to be genuinely happy. I mean, we live in a community where people ask us to love ourself but then when we tryna be ourself, they tell us it's not the right way as how to be one. How in this whole wide world can you be yourself when others restrict you? Long story short; don't give a single fuck about what others think and say about you true self. You know yourself better. You know what you are capable of. You know how your mind, body and soul work on this planet earth. If you keep trying to please other people, you will somehow find yourself pushing yourself away. You might not know what you truly want in life because you been living others people life. Is it okay for you to lose your true self? Well, it's ...

Ever get so close with someone for some period of time? Seems like all goes well. Seems like both of you can get through it all. Seems like it will last forever and for always. It seems so perfect. No arguments ever been brought up. Everything is so well. But then something prove you wrong. Something that is inevitable. It is out of your control to even be steer towards happy ever after. It crashes. Nothing can save it. Not even if you cry your blood tears out, it won't save the connection shared. Ever been through that? No? Then consider yourself lucky and pray to God that He won't put you through it cus the side effect doesn't feel much better. If yes, then congratulations to you that you survived. You survived from grieving over someone who is still alive. In those stages of grieving, every stages are full of suffering. Crying is not an alien to you. Depression is not your new friend. Loneliness is not a stranger to be welcome. When you drift ...

Love came knocking on my door, I let it in with no hesitation, Though I feel the harm, I ain't care of its danger, I still let you in. It introduces itself to me, Exposing itself like it'll last long, Sure I love it, Feel like I've been given a trust, Deep down I know I was just a fool. I didn't know how to react, To all of those, It escalated quickly, I got no time to run. I fall. So hard. Nothing is on the ground to catch me, Free fall, Hoping for a miracle to happen. It did catch me, But just for a while, It was a temporary fix. Ironically, That temporary fix, Changed my whole view, In seeing everything Now that it's gone, I left with nothing else but myself. Myself is enough, I was alone once, What is my excuses of can't alone now? Self-love is crucial to me. How about you? Love, Ophelia ♡

The person who once matter to you won't be anymore right by now. The one who you thought is the one for you, is not anymore now. The one who you thought is the best for you, is not anymore right by now. Whether it's your friends or your significant other; anyone that is in your life. No matter who you are, you must have been through this once in your lifetime. It hurts, doesn't it? Seeing that person shifting from being the most adorable human being you have ever known into someone who act like they never know you when you bump into them. Do all of the memories made didn't mean a thing to them? Aren't they affected by the heartaches when they pass by the places you've went together? Do they even have a heart? Cus you feel everything. You feel everything when things changed. Sad. Devastated. Ftustrated. Confused. You name it! You feel all of it! Sometimes you question your own self. "Why can't I be heartless as they are if they are truly heartl...

Most of us might ever ask ourselves why do we always get hurt by loving. Plus, why do we keep choosing the wrong person to love? "We accept the love we think we deserve." I found that quote two years back. When I found it, I do not understand what does it mean. Not even a single sense! Lucky enough, I get what it means by yesterday. Okay. Imagine this; You know a person who is so nice to you. That person is super sweet with you through words and actions that their flaws turns to a beauty. Somehow, you can't find any reason to hate them when they did many things that hurted you. Instead, you keep on loving them harder and harder. Why is that so? Why can't we directly channel our dislike towards them? Is it because we hold on in hope that they might change for us? Is it because we are blinded by their imperfect perfections? Is it because we don't wanna lose them as our 'source of happiness'? It's all comes back to the little things. Those c...