Thoughts of an Introvert

Nobody can ever really blame themselves when it comes to who they are falling for. There are no warning signs along the way to the edge that says "falling might hurt you". Without even thinking, you just fall because you have been dreaming about the world down there. How happy would it get once you are landed? How you will feel complete once you reached the bottom part of it all. But just like falling when you were playing tag with your friends as a kid and you scrapped your knees, that same exact thing will happen to you when it comes to falling for someone. You would expect some cuts  on your knees when you fall which then will leave bruises on your skin. When you have fallen for someone, you would expect those scratches, cuts and bruises but simply at the places where no ointments, only time and self-love are able to cure. Once wrote something about how I am not going to be able to move on from you. Once wrote something about how you will always be at the back of m...

I think I have something worth writing for tonight. I feel like I want to write this pain away into some kind of lame art of writing that I am born with. This thought has been bugging me for the past couple of months on how I feel like I hate myself so dearly that it made me realized that I actually misses the old me. I desperately want her back but I do not know how. I am going to write random thoughts on that in here. Pardon my writing as I am undeniably so bad but the efforts count, right? Here it goes... I miss myself. I miss the girl that used to know what she wants in her life. The girl that was so selfish in reaching her goals cus she was so sure that she can go through it all with no hesitation. That girl used to hold the hopes of every single person that loves her and believes in her. She is carrying the heaviest burden on her bare shoulders just so everyone would be so proud of her. Everyone looked up on her cus seems like she got everything perfectly fine. She seemed perfe...

There will be days where you feel like you are sad for no reason. Your heart gets heavy. Your brain cannot generate anything as to why you feel that way. It causes you to feel extra frustration when people ask you what is actually wrong and you feel like you wanna tell someone why you feel that way but you simply cannot find any legit reasons. I think it is safe for me to say that when you feel like you are sad for no reason, you are actually sad over everything. EVERYTHING. You know when you try to inflate a balloon to its maximum size cus the bigger the better even tho you know if it is going to pop, the pop sound will be louder? The balloon represent your heart. The air that you use to inflate the balloon represent everything that you hide inside. The pop sound represent how bad it feels once your heart decides that it cannot take the burden that you put on it anymore. We think that we are strong enough to keep on hiding everything inside just because we feel like we sti...

If you ask me what is the one thing that is hard to do, my answer would be; loving myself. Growing up, being bullied and made fun of over how I look like, loving myself is a shit hard thing to do, in the name of Oreo McFlurry! As a kid, if people call you out by names you do not like, that would only be considered as a joke. Why? Cus we were just a kid. 'Nothing' is serious about it. Parents would not go out of their way to stop those dickheads who make fun of you. If you cry because of their 'jokes', then you are a sissy and do not deserve to be in their circle. As a stupid kid you were, you try to act cool with it cus if you acted the way you felt, you would not be able to fit in. That was the logic. Well at least, that was my logic. How I wish loving myself is as easy as hating myself. How I wish every level of educations will give us lessons on how to love ourselves. How I wish being out of the norm's standard will not be 'funny'. How I wish peop...

Pretending to be someone i'm not probably will be the most tiring thing i have ever did, besides climbing up the stairs to my classroom. Pasting every single fake skins just to be accept, that's sad. On my drive back home, i'll imagine how euphoric it'll feel once i tear those layers of acceptance off my skins. Those who welcomed the unicorn in me, stepping into their lawn are the best kind of people. Cus they know how salty the clear blue sea is though it seems drinkable. I need to struggle every day with the monster that's trapped with me inside the closet just to breathe in the fresh air. But the it defeated me every time. Thus, instead of giving up, i'll keep on struggling every day and unnecessarily light up the closet. // excerpt from the thought of the hiding star